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Oh no! What is happening?

 I hope I conveyed that I would like more support and time and have felt that Mandy has not had the availability. I hope I conveyed that I am happy to comply with directions when I am clear on what they are. Since this didn't happen for observations, I have my doubts about co-therapy despite my interest in co therapy with Paul and Pa Na. I hope your message is not that questions aren't ok as a learner and beginner. I hope I conveyed that I don't think comparing me to other interns is helpful.  I hope I conveyed growth edges for our relationship.  I honestly don't want to come across as difficult or "too much." I honestly thought I was rolling with the punches, offering grace and patience. Misalignments cited: fixating on things like google voice, denies suicide/homicidal ideation,  I hope it was conveyed that there is an issue with my concerns not being able to be resolved and instead dismissed. In my own reflection I have spent a career in a profession that i...
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Work Conflict/tension

 I was told by Mandy that I would be reported to my school as well as not allowed to observe Lisa next week (subtract 4 direct contact hours) because Lisa's directions lacked the clarity I needed to comply with them. I do feel misunderstood and I would like to email Mandy, Lisa, and my school to document my case. So often I deal with my issues independently and think that taking the high road swallowing it and moving forward. I want to finish this semester (Aug. 24th) so that I don't lose my money paying for the credits. Then I can relax, work, regroup, and write my integration paper until I find a place to do my final semester, if that's this fall-great! If it's later that's okay too. I feel like I could use a break.  I think I'll just struggle through it and graduate with my masters so that I didn't waste all that time and money.  I release negative things that aren't healthy to hold on to. 
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First Session!!! aka my testimony of therapy

 I did my case presentation on Monday evening and got much needed feedback about the basics of therapy.  Christina said that "expectations are the root of all evil." So even in expectations for myself. I can lower them. I can not expect perfection or anything close to it. I can expect a student. I can expect some fumbling. A lot of "I don't knows, let me consult with my supervisor on that."  I don't need to focus on the flashy modalities or shiny techniques. I can focus on building a trusting relationship with someone with non-judgement, compassion, kindness, empathy, etc. I have mastery in active listening. The things in all our tool belts never leave us/we never take them off/they are ever accessible and free: breathe, senses, feet on the floor. I can help me access the things in the toolbox AND learn to bring tools from the toolbox (EMDR, ACT, etc). I can provide a supportive, calm, patient, presence, a space and time for them, my personhood, my social in...
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Resources

ambiguous grief https://whatsyourgrief.com/anticipatory-grief/ Self Compassion https://centerformsc.org/ Tit nat han https://www.lionsroar.com/returning-home/ Stepping Stones Clinic https://www.steppingstoneclinicmn.com/ Polyvagal https://www.rhythmofregulation.com/
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The Start

 My supervisor recommended I get a journal for practicum. Not for PHI, but for me to process what I'm experiencing.  I find myself thinking about me in therapy sometimes which I intend to focus on the client and have that time be there space. I do wonder if I should homeschool Stewart and get him started in psychotherapy again.  I wonder which mental health provider has the best employee health insurance .  Are there any health clubs/gyms that accommodate 10 year old boys? Have I been too controlling of kids? How would my kids fill out the ACEs form? What is Paul's note taking technique with paper? website on grief= https://whatsyourgrief.com/ website for therapists= therapistaid unresolved grief= Pauline Boss, learning to live with unresolved grief MDQ= modd disorder questionarre psychotherapy.net videos of ACT Jane Honikman's 9 steps to Wellness https://womensmeditationnetwork.com/youre-doing-a-great-job-mama/ jahari window grief box donate my wedding dress to m...
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